D is for Dumbass

True life events which happened in the last 24 hours. Seriously. I can't make this stuff up.

My washing machine is broken. My fancy only 3 year old washing machine is broken. I've been getting error signals for about a month so Mr. Baseball and I tried to fix it ourselves this weekend. We only made things worse.

I went to trusty Google and typed in Sears Home Repair to get the phone number for the lovely worker dude who will come out to my house to fix my washer. I dialed the number on the website (you know - one of those phone numbers that are actually words so you have to look for the letters on your phone which isn't easy if you're not wearing your glasses).

Me: Dial 1-800- FIXER DUDE (not real number)

Phone: Ring. (insert sultry voice) We have the nastiest girls ...

Me: Hang up. Look up phone number again. Dial again.

Phone: Ring. (same sultry voice) We have the sluttiest girls ...

Me: Hang up. Decide I'm not going to dial that number again. Look for a different number on website and dial that.

Phone: (Lovely voice recognition system starts me down the road toward getting my washer fixed) Briefly state what the problem is. For example, say dishwasher.

Me: Washing Machine.

Phone: Okay, I think I've got that. Did you say Exercise Bike?

Me: NO! I said freaking washing machine.

Phone: Okay, washing machine.

Sheesh. Seriously. Since when does washing machine sound like exercise bike and would anyone really call a repair dude to come out to their house to fix their exercise bike? After talking to some real live people - some even in this country - I have a service call scheduled for Thursday. I really, really need a washing machine.

Then, last night just as I was getting ready to head to bed around 11, the phone rang.

Me: Hello?

Phone: Hey, is Jeff there? (Mr. Baseball's real name)

Me: Umm, who is this?

Phone: Nick.

The conversation went on for a minute or so while I asked "Nick" his last name and then I heard giggling in the background so I hung up. This morning I *69 and a man answers the phone. I tell him that I received a call late last night from his number and he tells me that his son was using the phone. I asked him if his son's name was Nick. Duh! The kid actually used his real name while making prank phone calls. Dumbass! Father told me I was the second person to call and assured me he would take care of the situation.